Some of Sebastian's suggestions I will implement and some I won't.  Sprinkling commas into text can often do more harm than good as I'm sure you know.  ; )  Plus some of the writing tactics I used were for effect.<br />
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But I am interested in your design-based feedback, because you have been objective and specific (as opposed to "I don't like that color/icon/etc").  If you feel led, share. : )<br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana"><span><strong>Randall (Randy) Arnold</strong><br />
<span style="color: #ff6600">maemo.org community council</span><br />
</span></span><a href="http://tabulacrypticum.wordpress.com/"><span style="font-family: Verdana">http://tabulacrypticum.wordpress.com/</span></a><br />
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<br />
> ----- Original message ----- <br />
> From: "Tim Samoff" <tim@samoff.com><br />
> To: "List for community development" <maemo-community@maemo.org><br />
> Subject: Re: Maemo community outreach flyer reboot v2 - final (Community)<br />
> Date: Thu, 28 Jan 2010 07:29:51 -0600<br />
> <br />
> <br />
> <br />
> Hi,<br />
> <br />
> Good comments from Sebastian below -- not all crucial, but some good, <br />
> easy changes that will make it flow a little better.<br />
> <br />
> There are a few niggling design thingies that I could harp on, but <br />
> otherwise, I think it's good to go.<br />
> <br />
> Thanks, Randy.<br />
> <br />
> Tim<br />
> <br />
> -- http://samoff.com<br />
> <br />
> <br />
> <br />
> Sebastian 'CrashandDie' Lauwers wrote:<br />
> > Hey Randall,<br />
> ><br />
> > A few comments, apologies if I didn't provide any feedback previously.<br />
> > I hope it's not too late.<br />
> ><br />
> > On Thu, Jan 28, 2010 at 2:03 PM, Randall Arnold<texrat@ovi.com> wrote:<br />
> >> Link: http://maemo-daemons.org/maemo-org_community-flyer2_Maemo5.pdf<br />
> ><br />
> > First paragraph ("A rich technology-oriented wonderland..."):<br />
> > - Can we add a comma after "rich"?<br />
> > - There is too much space after the first sentence and before the<br />
> > second sentence ("community. Heavily"). I understand this is probably<br />
> > because of layout and design, however it doesn't read well. Maybe<br />
> > "code warriors" could be on the same line?<br />
> ><br />
> > Third paragraph (on the right-hand side), ("We’re looking for people..."):<br />
> > - Would it be more positive to say: "We're always looking for people..."?<br />
> > - In my mind, "interests are in" is redundant. Either "you're<br />
> > interested in", or "your interests are".<br />
> > - Again, having the "maemo.org" standing out on itself doesn't seem<br />
> > natural to me. It sticks out like a sore thumb, not as something my<br />
> > eyes are attracted to, or something I'd remember.<br />
> > - The whole last sentence of this paragraph is very long to read<br />
> > (especially on a flyer). Could we break it up or add reading pauses to<br />
> > make it more easy to understand?<br />
> > e.g.: "Whether your interests lie in coding, user interface design,<br />
> > testing, content management, writing or simply having fun; you're<br />
> > invited to jump in at the edge of technological discovery: maemo.org!"<br />
> ><br />
> > Fourth paragraph (on the right-hand side), ("The maemo.org community<br />
> > is actively..."):<br />
> > - "to regional strategy sessions to the annual Maemo Summit.", there<br />
> > should be a comma after "sessions". Same reason as before.<br />
> ><br />
> > 2nd page<br />
> ><br />
> > First paragraph ("...is an open source community..."):<br />
> > - "more than 900 community development projects in the Maemo Garage."<br />
> > Isn't "development" seriously redundant in this sentence? Also, why<br />
> > talk about the Maemo Garage and not qualify it? Unless it's within<br />
> > context, I've always highly despised the name "Garage", as it sounds<br />
> > like a shady corner of the 'burbs. I would suggest removing reference<br />
> > to the Garage altogether here.<br />
> > - "We work with open source tools and processes. We focus on new<br />
> > software for both the platform itself and on top of the platform."<br />
> > These two sentences should be merged into one. The first one, on its<br />
> > own, doesn't add anything meaningful other than being a proper, simple<br />
> > statement. Preferably a semicolon would be used to separate them, no<br />
> > capitals.<br />
> > - "We focus on new software for both the platform itself and on top<br />
> > of the platform." I have a very hard time with this bit (the "and on<br />
> > top of the platform"). I don't get it, at all. Maybe a few buzz words<br />
> > could spice things up?<br />
> > e.g.: "new software both constructing the platform and leveraging it."<br />
> ><br />
> > Second paragraph ("Maemo is a software platform that is mostly based..."):<br />
> > - "Nokia in collaboration with open source projects such as the Linux<br />
> > kernel , Debian , GNOME , and" There are spaces before each comma and<br />
> > there shouldn't be a comma before "and".<br />
> > - "cross-platform application tool Qt." Qt isn't a tool, it's a framework.<br />
> ><br />
> > Third paragraph ("At maemo.org you will find more information..."):<br />
> > - "develop with Maemo", in order to not send the wrong message, maybe<br />
> > we could say "develop for Maemo" rather than with?<br />
> > - "how to make your development work available to users". What<br />
> > exactly is "development work"? How about "how to share your efforts<br />
> > with other users" or "how to publish your creations for other users to<br />
> > enjoy".<br />
> > - "maemo.nokia.com you fill find more information" /!\ TYPO (will find).<br />
> ><br />
> > Fourth paragraph ("The community is represented by a council of <br />
> > five persons"):<br />
> > - "every qualified community member" what qualifies "qualified"?<br />
> > IMHO, "every active community member" sends out a more positive<br />
> > message.<br />
> ><br />
> > General comments:<br />
> > - How come only the third paragraph on the second page has URLs<br />
> > (maemo.org specifically) in a bold font? Why not on the other parts of<br />
> > the flyer?<br />
> > - Excellent work, I really like it!<br />
> > - Sorry for being a criticising bastard.<br />
> ><br />
> > -S.<br />
> ><br />
> <br />
> <br />
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