[maemo-community] Maemo community outreach flyer reboot v2 - final (Community)

From: Tim Samoff tim at samoff.com
Date: Thu Jan 28 15:29:51 EET 2010

Good comments from Sebastian below -- not all crucial, but some good, 
easy changes that will make it flow a little better.

There are a few niggling design thingies that I could harp on, but 
otherwise, I think it's good to go.

Thanks, Randy.



Sebastian 'CrashandDie' Lauwers wrote:
> Hey Randall,
> A few comments, apologies if I didn't provide any feedback previously.
> I hope it's not too late.
> On Thu, Jan 28, 2010 at 2:03 PM, Randall Arnold<texrat at ovi.com>  wrote:
>> Link: http://maemo-daemons.org/maemo-org_community-flyer2_Maemo5.pdf
> First paragraph ("A rich technology-oriented wonderland..."):
>   - Can we add a comma after "rich"?
>   - There is too much space after the first sentence and before the
> second sentence ("community. Heavily"). I understand this is probably
> because of layout and design, however it doesn't read well. Maybe
> "code warriors" could be on the same line?
> Third paragraph (on the right-hand side), ("We’re looking for people..."):
>   - Would it be more positive to say: "We're always looking for people..."?
>   - In my mind, "interests are in" is redundant. Either "you're
> interested in", or "your interests are".
>   - Again, having the "maemo.org" standing out on itself doesn't seem
> natural to me. It sticks out like a sore thumb, not as something my
> eyes are attracted to, or something I'd remember.
>   - The whole last sentence of this paragraph is very long to read
> (especially on a flyer). Could we break it up or add reading pauses to
> make it more easy to understand?
> e.g.: "Whether your interests lie in coding, user interface design,
> testing, content management, writing or simply having fun; you're
> invited to jump in at the edge of technological discovery: maemo.org!"
> Fourth paragraph (on the right-hand side), ("The maemo.org community
> is actively..."):
>   - "to regional strategy sessions to the annual Maemo Summit.", there
> should be a comma after "sessions". Same reason as before.
> 2nd page
> First paragraph ("...is an open source community..."):
>   - "more than 900 community development projects in the Maemo Garage."
> Isn't "development" seriously redundant in this sentence? Also, why
> talk about the Maemo Garage and not qualify it? Unless it's within
> context, I've always highly despised the name "Garage", as it sounds
> like a shady corner of the 'burbs. I would suggest removing reference
> to the Garage altogether here.
>   - "We work with open source tools and processes. We focus on new
> software for both the platform itself and on top of the platform."
> These two sentences should be merged into one. The first one, on its
> own, doesn't add anything meaningful other than being a proper, simple
> statement. Preferably a semicolon would be used to separate them, no
> capitals.
>   - "We focus on new software for both the platform itself and on top
> of the platform." I have a very hard time with this bit (the "and on
> top of the platform"). I don't get it, at all. Maybe a few buzz words
> could spice things up?
> e.g.: "new software both constructing the platform and leveraging it."
> Second paragraph ("Maemo is a software platform that is mostly based..."):
>   - "Nokia in collaboration with open source projects such as the Linux
> kernel , Debian , GNOME , and" There are spaces before each comma and
> there shouldn't be a comma before "and".
>   - "cross-platform application tool Qt." Qt isn't a tool, it's a framework.
> Third paragraph ("At maemo.org you will find more information..."):
>   - "develop with Maemo", in order to not send the wrong message, maybe
> we could say "develop for Maemo" rather than with?
>   - "how to make your development work available to users". What
> exactly is "development work"? How about "how to share your efforts
> with other users" or "how to publish your creations for other users to
> enjoy".
>   - "maemo.nokia.com you fill find more information" /!\ TYPO (will find).
> Fourth paragraph ("The community is represented by a council of five persons"):
>   - "every qualified community member" what qualifies "qualified"?
> IMHO, "every active community member" sends out a more positive
> message.
> General comments:
>   - How come only the third paragraph on the second page has URLs
> (maemo.org specifically) in a bold font? Why not on the other parts of
> the flyer?
>   - Excellent work, I really like it!
>   - Sorry for being a criticising bastard.
> -S.

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