[maemo-community] Maemo community outreach flyer reboot v2 - final (Community)

[From: Randall Arnold]

It occurred to me that some of the comments below may come across as
insulting to Sebastian or anyone else offering suggestions.  My
apologies, that wasn't my intent.  I was just kidding around with Tim a
bit.  I agree with most of Sebastian's punctuation suggestions and did
not mean to say that Tim is the only one suggesting anything useful. 
Unless he needs the ego boost.  :D

Note to self: don't reply when you have such a severe headache.

Randall (Randy) Arnold
maemo.org community council
http://tabulacrypticum.wordpress.com/



  ----- Original message -----
  From: "Randall Arnold" <texrat at ovi.com>
  To: tim at samoff.com, "List for community development"
  <maemo-community at maemo.org>
  Subject: Re: Maemo community outreach flyer reboot v2 - final
  (Community)
  Date: Thu, 28 Jan 2010 09:28:22 -0600

  Some of Sebastian's suggestions I will implement and some I won't. 
  Sprinkling commas into text can often do more harm than good as I'm
  sure you know.  ; )  Plus some of the writing tactics I used were for
  effect.

  But I am interested in your design-based feedback, because you have
  been objective and specific (as opposed to "I don't like that
  color/icon/etc").  If you feel led, share. : )

  Randall (Randy) Arnold
  maemo.org community council





  > ----- Original message -----
  > From: "Tim Samoff" <tim at samoff.com>
  > To: "List for community development" <maemo-community at maemo.org>
  > Subject: Re: Maemo community outreach flyer reboot v2 - final
  (Community)
  > Date: Thu, 28 Jan 2010 07:29:51 -0600
  >
  >
  >
  > Hi,
  >
  > Good comments from Sebastian below -- not all crucial, but some
  good,
  > easy changes that will make it flow a little better.
  >
  > There are a few niggling design thingies that I could harp on, but
  > otherwise, I think it's good to go.
  >
  > Thanks, Randy.
  >
  > Tim
  >
  > -- http://samoff.com
  >
  >
  >
  > Sebastian 'CrashandDie' Lauwers wrote:
  > > Hey Randall,
  > >
  > > A few comments, apologies if I didn't provide any feedback
  previously.
  > > I hope it's not too late.
  > >
  > > On Thu, Jan 28, 2010 at 2:03 PM, Randall Arnold<texrat at ovi.com>
  wrote:
  > >> Link:
  http://maemo-daemons.org/maemo-org_community-flyer2_Maemo5.pdf
  > >
  > > First paragraph ("A rich technology-oriented wonderland..."):
  > > - Can we add a comma after "rich"?
  > > - There is too much space after the first sentence and before the
  > > second sentence ("community. Heavily"). I understand this is
  probably
  > > because of layout and design, however it doesn't read well. Maybe
  > > "code warriors" could be on the same line?
  > >
  > > Third paragraph (on the right-hand side), ("We’re looking for
  people..."):
  > > - Would it be more positive to say: "We're always looking for
  people..."?
  > > - In my mind, "interests are in" is redundant. Either "you're
  > > interested in", or "your interests are".
  > > - Again, having the "maemo.org" standing out on itself doesn't
  seem
  > > natural to me. It sticks out like a sore thumb, not as something
  my
  > > eyes are attracted to, or something I'd remember.
  > > - The whole last sentence of this paragraph is very long to read
  > > (especially on a flyer). Could we break it up or add reading
  pauses to
  > > make it more easy to understand?
  > > e.g.: "Whether your interests lie in coding, user interface
  design,
  > > testing, content management, writing or simply having fun; you're
  > > invited to jump in at the edge of technological discovery:
  maemo.org!"
  > >
  > > Fourth paragraph (on the right-hand side), ("The maemo.org
  community
  > > is actively..."):
  > > - "to regional strategy sessions to the annual Maemo Summit.",
  there
  > > should be a comma after "sessions". Same reason as before.
  > >
  > > 2nd page
  > >
  > > First paragraph ("...is an open source community..."):
  > > - "more than 900 community development projects in the Maemo
  Garage."
  > > Isn't "development" seriously redundant in this sentence? Also,
  why
  > > talk about the Maemo Garage and not qualify it? Unless it's
  within
  > > context, I've always highly despised the name "Garage", as it
  sounds
  > > like a shady corner of the 'burbs. I would suggest removing
  reference
  > > to the Garage altogether here.
  > > - "We work with open source tools and processes. We focus on new
  > > software for both the platform itself and on top of the
  platform."
  > > These two sentences should be merged into one. The first one, on
  its
  > > own, doesn't add anything meaningful other than being a proper,
  simple
  > > statement. Preferably a semicolon would be used to separate them,
  no
  > > capitals.
  > > - "We focus on new software for both the platform itself and on
  top
  > > of the platform." I have a very hard time with this bit (the "and
  on
  > > top of the platform"). I don't get it, at all. Maybe a few buzz
  words
  > > could spice things up?
  > > e.g.: "new software both constructing the platform and leveraging
  it."
  > >
  > > Second paragraph ("Maemo is a software platform that is mostly
  based..."):
  > > - "Nokia in collaboration with open source projects such as the
  Linux
  > > kernel , Debian , GNOME , and" There are spaces before each comma
  and
  > > there shouldn't be a comma before "and".
  > > - "cross-platform application tool Qt." Qt isn't a tool, it's a
  framework.
  > >
  > > Third paragraph ("At maemo.org you will find more
  information..."):
  > > - "develop with Maemo", in order to not send the wrong message,
  maybe
  > > we could say "develop for Maemo" rather than with?
  > > - "how to make your development work available to users". What
  > > exactly is "development work"? How about "how to share your
  efforts
  > > with other users" or "how to publish your creations for other
  users to
  > > enjoy".
  > > - "maemo.nokia.com you fill find more information" /!\ TYPO (will
  find).
  > >
  > > Fourth paragraph ("The community is represented by a council of
  > > five persons"):
  > > - "every qualified community member" what qualifies "qualified"?
  > > IMHO, "every active community member" sends out a more positive
  > > message.
  > >
  > > General comments:
  > > - How come only the third paragraph on the second page has URLs
  > > (maemo.org specifically) in a bold font? Why not on the other
  parts of
  > > the flyer?
  > > - Excellent work, I really like it!
  > > - Sorry for being a criticising bastard.
  > >
  > > -S.
  > >
  >
  >
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  > maemo-community at maemo.org
  > https://lists.maemo.org/mailman/listinfo/maemo-community
  >


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